PEC:C9

****BOOK IN PROGRESS: PRECEDING CHAPTERS MAY BE ADDRESSED BUT WILL NOT BE COVERED****

eye contact

This chapter discusses eye contact as it pertains to love/relationship intimacy. A noted professional (relationship counselor) mentioned a belief that the cycle of interpersonal intimacy is a perpetual “coming together and drawing apart”. By her observation, relationships that lack intimacy lack eye contact, and vice verse..that we are often found seeking, when our partner “seeks not”. She also highlights the disparity between the amount of still, potent eye contact we receive as infants (too young to speak) and what we experience as adults in the “grownup” world..

Immediately I thought of my new nephew who I helped babysit a few days ago. Her point is well made. Often all there is have to do with him is to connect with the eyes, almost as if I cant draw myself away, whereas among peers – it would seem as if there is too much to lose.. or maybe even gain(?) It’s an odd little reality I (up until now) had no reason to acknowledge.

The chapter ends with a story about a blind man who received sight after 30 some odd years. He recounted looking into someones eyes shortly after and losing the ability to speak – later wondering how people with sight even make it throughout their day..

Go figure.

sah

 

PEC:C8

****BOOK IN PROGRESS: PRECEDING CHAPTERS MAY BE ADDRESSED BUT WILL NOT BE COVERED****

eye contact

This chapter begins with a pretty dope story.. apparently there was some dude not to long ago who got away with marrying 104 different women, many after a few days of meeting, tricking each to abandon their lives, sell their assets, and wait for him in an agreed upon honeymoon suite…I’m not even going to get into what that says about the american dream, but the setup here is the role eyes (and the gut) play in detecting deceit..

According to the author’s research, the tricky thing about discovering someone mid lie is that – while eyes betray emotions, thoughts are rarely revealed. Essentially all one needs to convincingly pull a  lie off is a concentrated focus (to cover your emotions about your deception) or no emotions at all (which would be the case of psychopaths).

Psychopaths tend to have (and are often known for) an unrelenting gaze, which may not even be intentional as much as a reflection of their inability to internally moralize wrong doing. Again, our natural impulse is to soften our gaze by occasionally averting our eyes during conversation. When I think about it, I can not only recall several times where the intensity of someones gaze was unwavering, but also the feeling that rose up in me (my father would often use this on me to great effect..I can only imagine his father before him)

As for that feeling, the book advises that one should “follow their gut” in the case of uncertain negotiation  An example was even brought up that when considering food that is bad for you, your body will often advise against it if you listen close enough (this I can relate to too)..the only evolutionary reason I could imagine for this would be situations where concealing intent (or even discovering bad food) means life or death, so thank God for that… but I still cant get those instances out of my mind..

sah

The Power of Eye Contact – Chapter 7 (PEC:C7)

****BOOK IN PROGRESS: PRECEDING CHAPTERS MAY BE ADDRESSED BUT WILL NOT BE COVERED****

eye contact

Sometimes we like to think of the animal kingdom as “all of those non speaking species we humans coexist with”…but a moment in this chapter really brought something home for me. Not that I didn’t know it already but the eyes say a lot.. and we all have em.

In this chapter on aggressive/confrontational eye contact this clip is mentioned: A man stares down a lion (somewhere in africa one assumes) and by gaze and posture alone, much is negotiated. At several points, the lion (whom we know as the one with the most advantage) breaks his own gaze to avoid conflict with the stranger.  The action resonates throughout the chapter as the author and several interviewees discuss the nature of intimidation and how wars are won even before they begin.

In the chapter I covered yesterday (Notes from the Underground) the narrator laments his own unwillingness to endure prolonged eye contact. Most of us aren’t up to the task either, and his characters resigns to losing almost immediately. Every time.

Makes me wonder how often I’ve done this..

sah