Once again, I’m affected by the narrators ability to resonate with me.. (I dont know if I said that right)..but I suppose it should make sense..i dunno..

A good portion of this chapter addresses the narrator’s ability to spring forth from his most low and debase moments into a sort of regal loftiness (at least as he imagines in his mind), and again, the nature in which he describes all this really hits home..

What strikes me as being at the center of it all is a remarkable vanity. There’s even an interesting part where he pats himself on the back for merely thinking nobly – such so that the corresponding action is rendered unnecessary..which is true enough about all of us at at least one point (if not many) in our lives, isn’t it? I’ve heard quite a few comedians discuss this..

I’m also caught by how he describes these decent (and indecent) phases of his life as appearing out of nowhere.. as if his life has ‘a life’ of its own and he is imprisoned in the role of spectator – frantically rushing to justify and make sense of it all..

What is the root of this assumed role of “observing eye” (beyond its literary use – of course)? ..maybe thats what the author is attempting to ask in the first place..

I feel like I should be discussing this in class.

– sah



Notes From the Underground – Act II – Chapter 1 (NFU:A2C1)



I have to confess. I “took a break” from this book a looong time ago. I almost forgot how beautifully striking it was/is to me. I’ve always had a morbid appreciation for the self-effacing nature of intellectuals, and anyone who knows this book can tell you what a jackpot it is this regard.

I realized who the narration reminds me off (besides myself)..his constant cerebral knot tying makes me think of Nicolas Cage‘s character (well..the main one) in Adaptation.

While reading this chapter Edward Norton’s character in Fight Club also came to mind. This sad, maddening obsession with the unseemliness of modern existence as the man without ..release is just..penetrating.The way he goes on and on about the casual(ly missed) opportunity to experience conflict, and thus validation, is brilliantly articulated. And the degree to which he prepared for what amounted to a bump on the shoulder!.. it really serves to illustrate just how lost common interactions can become in a world of classism and industry..

I can relate. want to scream at the world – to disrupt the social (dis)order – and lack the courage(?) [ or INdecency ] required to do so.. I mean…it was just put very well lol … I damn near feel like I missed this book.

It also made me think of a film idea I had earlier today..but that’s for another blog.. (perhaps this is confirmation?…serendipity?)

I’ve never gone so mad as to lose sleep over the absence of a brush on the arm – but the exaggeration is not without merit.. I have lost sleep over my opinion of self ..havent we all?

And if not, are we sorely missing in some sort of awareness? Is this the suffering that enlightenment brings?

The narrator faults himself appropriately tho: It is the definition of vanity that one would come to insist upon being acknowledged by this stranger – to the point of fantasy (even drafting a letter of indictment). I’ll have to make a mental note that my (future) children must read this..

– sah